What's the problem you say? After all, you are the mother of 5 and doesn't your blog title say you have a happy heart?Yes, that's all true. But even this happy heart feels down sometime. Today is one of those sometimes. Actually, the last three days.
On Friday my friend's son surprised her with a visit from another state.... then the tears crept up on me. I was truly happy for her.... but can't help wishing it were my oldest son walking through the door... the oldest son that is not addicted to drugs. My beautiful boy. I even know that he will get through this and be okay someday, but it doesn't help this mother's tears on this day.
Do you know I have a grandchild? He and his mother live very far away and I don't know from one day to the next if this daughter of mine hates me today or not. Ergo - why I have not seen him in over a year.
There is another child of mine who angrily left home at much too young an age, threw so much opportunity out the window, and I only hear occasionally from her.
All of this leads me to wonder if I was maybe a really crappy mom. I mean, I never thought I was, and I didn't mean to be....but wouldn't you think that someone with my situation may actually have flunked the parenting 101 class?
I don't really feel very profound or poetic today. Just in a funky funk.
However, I cannot overlook the two of my children who are doing something good with their lives right now. ....and they even call their mother! I usually can look at them and say I did something right.
But for this moment, just let me wallow for awhile....
