Happy 29th Birthday to my daughter, Tiffany Louise When you were very young, this was your wish:

When you were 9 years old, you became part of our family. I knew it was what was "supposed to be" - but there were times that I wondered if God had been mistaken because there seemed to be so many more "downs" than there were "ups".

Here is the story on how you came to be my daughter:

In 1997, after your participation at Royal Family Kids Camp - Tiffany, you were 8 and Brittany was 6 - we got a call from Sharon Jahr who was involved with RFKC. She asked us to pray and keep our eyes open for someone who would like to adopt two little girls. You see, your birthparents had just had their parental rights terminated because of many things, including drug addiction and child neglect. The courts had given them many chances and tried to help them keep you, but they would not do what was needed, so they lost you, your brother Steven and sister, Taner.

We had three kids already and were not planning on more, but when we heard about you, we knew that you were supposed to be in our family. We really prayed and asked for wisdom from God and we couldn't get you off our minds. So many things happened that pointed us in the direction of adopting you.... so we got started on the things we needed to do to bring you into our family.

The San Diego County foster system made us take a bunch of classes. Then we had to fix things in the house to make it ready for you. They came out to our house and made sure it was a safe place to live and that you would be a good fit for our family. 

One day, the kids and I visited Sue, your foster mother, just so we could see you without you knowing anything yet. I really wanted to grab both of you and smooch you, but it wasn't time yet. I came into both of your classes just to secretly watch you at school. I couldn't wait to give you both the home that you deserved. Ali, Andy and Peter were all for the adoption and couldn't wait.

The next thing that happened was a bit shocking, but we were sure God knew what He was doing. The social worker called us and said that they were going to give you to another family. After that they asked us if we wanted to look through the catalog of children available for adoption. We said "No, thank you. If we cannot adopt Tiffany and Brittany, we will not adopt at all. We only want them. If you change your mind, call us."  We were disappointed, but felt like the story wasn't over yet.

  The very next week, the social worker called us again and said that the couple had decided not to adopt you after all and asked if we would still want you. We were so certain, that of course, we said YES right away!

So, fast forward 20 years....can you believe it has been that long?
Without going into detail about all we have been through, I just want you to know how very thankful I am that God allowed me to be your mother. As your own children grow, you will understand more and more what that means. When you are on "this" side of life and seeing your family all grown, you will be thankful that God allowed you to be part of the shaping of their lives. Cherish them. You won't regret it.

A Thanksgiving Letter to My Son

I missed you so much this year my son. Thanksgiving has never been the same without you.

The last time we spent this holiday together was 2011 in Ocean Beach. That was the year Daylon, my first Grandson was born and the year my mother died. It was a hard year for our family, especially you. 

Where are you tonight my sweet son? Did you have a place to eat or a warm place to sleep?

Did you have any place to eat a Thanksgiving dinner? Do you remember all of our Thanksgivings growing up? Each and every year I would make everyone at our table say what they are grateful for. I loved that part mostly because when it came to me, I could remind everyone that I was thankful beyond words that the birthmothers represented around my table gave me the opportunity to love their children.

I have always considered your being placed in my arms a miracle. I still do.
There is so very much to "your story" - but this is the beginning:

Ali was 17 months old and we had just started praying for another child. It really did not matter how or where the baby came from - we just wanted another. We were planning on spacing them a few years apart so thought we would "give God time" to answer our prayer!
It was 1987, and a couple of days after praying that prayer, your father and I had just stepped over the threshold of our front door with our brand new and very expensive first computer. He had a deadline for a book he wrote and the personal computer was the newest frontier and helped him meet his deadline for the publisher.
The phone rang at that moment and it was our attorney from Washington state who had helped us in the adoption of your sister. He asked if we would be interested in adopting another baby. I said something to the effect of "Couldn't you have called BEFORE we spent ALL of our savings on a computer?!" He assured us that we should not worry about the finances and that God would provide.
He said that he had a young woman client that was trying to find just the right family to adopt her baby that was due in a month and after all of the "resumes" she saw, she knew that none of them were right. He showed her an introduction letter from us to our first birthmother that he still had after about a year and a half.  He arranged for us to talk and, after falling in love with your birthmother, she called and told us that she chose us to be your parents! A week and a half later, you were born and placed in my arms by your birthmother.

I do not take lightly that I was chosen to be your mother. As a matter of fact, God chose two women to be your mothers. Two women to pray and hope.

So - for YOU, my firstborn son - I give thanks and have more HOPE than any mother has ever had. So tonight - wherever you are and whatever you are doing - my mother's heart beats for you and my hope will never die.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 

The boy with the good heart

Once upon a time, there was a boy with a good heart.

He was born with a good heart.

Sometimes his good heart was misunderstood.

Sometimes his good heart was covered up by his mad face.

Sometimes his good heart was covered up by his embarrassed face.

Sometimes his good heart was covered up by his bravado.

....but it was only covered up. His good heart was still there.

His mother always knew he had a good heart, but sometimes she forgot. Sometimes she mistook his bravado for disrespect.

But then she remembered....

She remembered that he had compassion on those less fortunate than him. He gravitated to help the underdog. He was kind to little children. He had a good heart.

Sometimes his heart was so full of good that his words tumbled out too quickly and landed in places that he did not intend.

But he still had that great big beautiful heart.

Life had a way of misunderstanding him and stomping on that beautiful heart until it looked like something ugly.

Eventually he started believing those who stomped on it. Eventually his big beautiful heart disappeared into a seemingly bottomless chasm of life's disappointments. He forgot who he was and how his heart loved.

However, there were two who could never forget his heart. The One who created that heart and the one who was charged with nurturing it.

The One who created it, still has a plan. With all of her mistakes, his mother still hopes.

But his heart is still there and as big and loving as ever. It will find its way out again.