I SAW YOU TODAY

I saw you today
My son

You were older somehow
much older than I remember you being

You walked past my car
It took my breath and I had to stop

I had to stop breathing....
I had to stop thinking about anything else 
but you

Truth is....
I have seen you many times this week 

in my dreams, in my visions, in pictures...
sometimes they were welcoming and sometimes terrifying

...but this time it was in the flesh.

You were still tall and lanky and a style all your own, your long hair and a hat could not hide the weariness that was seeping out of your every move....weariness of heart

But you also wore the miles of so much pain...
Your face no longer had the hope of what you are inside 
only the unexpectedness of how fast the misused years had gone by

I restrained myself from jumping out of the car and running toward you....

because as you passed by, it was someone else...

and then I let myself cry again