I CHOOSE JOY

I have a lot to say about JOY....a LOT. But I won't say it all today. I just feel like I need to revisit the choice I made for joy many years ago.

You see, I had a lot to be grim about. When two of my precious children were very young, they were molested by a Sunday School teacher. Without going into details, it was a long and costly trial in San Diego County and the man was acquitted. Not innocent, just acquitted.

Run! Here comes that person!

In those years of deep heartache - every time someone asked me how I was, I would tell them...and it wasn't pretty. I was becoming "that person" that people started to be afraid to approach. I was always looking on the dark side of the situation.

One day, I was in one of my conversations with the Lord, and was asking Him how I could feel safe in leaving them anywhere again. I knew that we had made our Sunday School very safe and I always had been over and above careful about where and with whom I left them...but it was still very scary. And I did not know how to navigate those waters.

The children were afraid as well. What I didn't realize is that they were afraid because I was showing them how to be afraid. Everything I did during that time was out of fear and sadness in response to the evil that was perpetrated upon them.

So, I ran into my strong tower and asked for direction. This is what I got.

"...I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live..."

He made it clear to me that as I chose life, I was choosing it for my children as well. But he did give me a choice.

I cannot tell you how that set me free! I was able to choose life rather than the fear that had been with me for so long. In setting me free, it set my children free from the clutches of this evil as well. I let them know that this did not define their lives. They could choose joy too.

In the following year, my theme was "Choose Joy!" I wrote it on my mirror, I carried around notes, I even had a rock that said "Joy" on it.

When I would start to turn toward fear (death) I would consciously choose to respond to things in a joyful manner. Yes, sometimes I was faking it, but I soon felt the joy that I had not been participating in.

What does this mean for me in my current journey?

There are SO MANY things that I could justifiably be fearful about during this time. But I will not.

I will wake up each day and choose the joy that is set before me...it is LIFE.