Lost and Found

I was two or three years old at the time...some people don't remember that far back, but I do. I remember being lost very clearly.

Our family was at the fair. At two I only knew details that involved me and my immediate world. Our family was leaving and my mother bent over to tie her shoes.

Let me stop here and mention that I ADORED my mother. I was like a baby duckling - her imprint was strongly in my makeup.

One of the strongest forces in nature, is the imprint. The first thing a duckling sees when it hatches is who it is. A duckling or gosling knows that it is the same species as whatever living creature larger than itself it sees upon hatching or shortly thereafter. I said, KNOWS. It doesn’t think it is, it doesn’t use the creature for a replacement until it finds its own species, it doesn’t pretend to be that species; it IS that species in its mind and instinct.

My Mother was my species and I tried to copy her every move....and THAT is what got me lost.

As my Mother bent over to tie her shoes...I, the duckling, was copying her. I remember casting one sideways glance and seeing how she was doing something with her shoelaces, so I focused on my shoelaces on my brown and white saddle oxfords. I was so focused on doing what my Mommy was doing that I didn't look around until they were gone....all of them were gone.

I don't remember being too frightened but a lady from a nearby booth gently asked me if I was lost - I had no idea what lost meant. However, one could draw the conclusion that a tiny little girl all alone was lost. She stood me up on her boxes, so I could be seen, and moments later my family all came back for me. I love happy endings.

I believe that much of my life I have been casting sideways glances at others to see if I was doing life right. Perhaps I was so focused on LOOKING like I was doing it right, that maybe I forgot to look inside myself to see who I really was. Maybe I was pretending to be the same species as people I admired and forgot what my own species was.

Somehow I got lost at the fair again. This time I am big enough to find my way home.